My apologies - I'd like to explain myself to you all.
My apologies - I'd like to explain myself to you all.
Now that people are starting to make what I believe is an odd distinction between "navel gazing" and "real business" to support yet another attempt to get Ecademy "off the ground" (about the 20th such initiative I have seen) I find myself wondering why I am apparently wasting my time here, causing annoyance and getting barely any response (compared to over 1000 views and over 20 comments that was my norm in Ecademy's long passed heyday when it was fun to be here). Indeed, I find myself wanting to explain what I have been trying to say instead of just shouting against the wind at people who do not want to get it or cannot get it (there is an it to get).
So here goes; the definitive explanation:
Please remind yourself now that you do not have to agree and that I never debate (which I am willing to explain if asked, but it's philosophically complex). You are welcome to ask meaningful questions but I will not respond to controlling gibes, or patronising sarcasm and I will hide all cruel attacks.
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing. Macbeth (Act 5, Scene 5, lines 17-28)
This resembles my core belief, the knowledge of which I am certain, derived from a lifetime of studying literature, philosophy, every psychological theory you can think of, mesmerism, human behaviour and the thoughts of Werner Erhard of EST fame when he wasn't being a slimy salesman (which was rare).
What this means is that I believe we are all acting, which amounts to pretending, that the primary purpose of every thought, every theory, every behaviour and every personality trait is to promote, maintain and justify what we loosely call the ego, which is not precisely how Freud coined the word. In other words, none of what you think you are is you at all, not in all your humanity with all your real talents. If it were the world would already be a far better place. All you have now is fake humanity, pretend talents and pathetic problems to solve based on not keeping your word and not being real. Sorry about that, but you're hopelessly lost, every single one of you and the more lost you are the more crazy will sound what I am saying. Particularly those suits who think they have the world by the throat.
Furthermore I believe that there is only one step to escape this total slavery to self-image, which amounts basically to laughing at yourself, in depth, until it becomes your basic world, until you realise that we are all complete a**holes, until you see that we do not love, connect, communicate or support each other, not in the slightest, not until we completely break out of the box of total self-interest.
From my perspective, not one single person on Ecademy or any other online platform I have haunted, created, been banned from or infuriated the denizens of, and this includes even you my friend of eight years, not one single person who really knows that they do not know, who really gets that reality is not the self-justifying fantasies in their head and that there is of course a reality - not just what you happen to choose to want, which is an impossible conceit you believe.
So when I read or hear people talking about love, about business, about sharing, about forming expert teams to save the world, about caring for the planet and oozing mystical peace - it simply makes me squirm, all of it. I give nothing I read any credence whatsoever except the occasional insight from KT who is psychic but off the rails, the occasional jokey post from DS and what the brilliant Swedish girl writes. The rest, to me, is neither mature, nor coherent, nor informed, nor professional, nor witty, nor even interesting. It is simply naïve, grandiose, immature, arrogant, falsely nice and in many cases downright overbearing (and this isn't just the crude American blogvertorials I am referring to; it is how I feel about 98% of what appears here or anywhere else). It simply is not evolved. When I read about expert teams or anything written by the so-called thought leaders of Ecademy it simply makes me shudder, the exact same way the thoughts of Chairman Mao in the mouths of middle class brats made me shudder in 1968. It has all made me shudder, always. I believe it is all a garbage, snake-oil ideology that hooks in desperate punters who are playing at being entrepreneurs (most of you) and that nobody with a great business idea would blog about it, share it or invite snoopy questions from people who might try to copy it. Success does not work like that. It is not shared. Thomas does not share his income with you and he does not pay you for building his business. Only one person profits, which is basically how all business works. If you think that happy-clappy, sparkling, sharing, boardroom, global teams and initiatives and positive thinking from hysterical optimist in the Low Countries will get you anywhere at all, you are simply dreaming and wasting your life. To me, effectively, you have detached from reality and cancelled your vote. I can have no respect for you, as you have none for me but are afraid to admit.
Contrary to what manipulative bullies say about me I am neither twisted not unhappy about my life, despite having been genetically cursed beyond your very worst nightmares and then some so the causation of my strange ideas is way beyond your pay grade. I am too real, too intelligent and too much forced to battle real problems with actual solutions to live in your fantasy world. There are others who think like me but they are very rare and mostly long dead. I do not exist for my own benefit alone. I am trying to change life. I do not care whether you like or respect me. I am truly trying to help you evolve out of your self-centred box, whoever you are, because there is no aspect of crippled or false ego that I cannot see and penetrate.
I am hoping to persuade people to think again about investing their selves in money, in power, in beauty, in problems, in illness, in therapy, in NLP, in religion or ethnicity of gender, in poverty and rebellion, in leadership and success, in psychobabble, in addictions, in cleverness, in sparkling personality, in business acumen, in knowledge, in anything you like really, even motherhood and caring for the refugees of the Sahara. If you ask me what I am against I would respond, like Marlon in The Wild One: "What have you got?" I am against everything until it feels genuine, which means until it is an impulse from a soul that has seen its own games and laughed to the bottom of the sea and the arc of the sky about what a joke it all is, our huge pretentions, our meek humilities, our cunning manipulations, our childish terrors and our unsatisfying achievements.
So that is why I annoy you and you despise me. I admit to finding you tiresome but I do not make ad hominem attacks of the sort that are thrown against me daily because I think it is wrong. I do not get assistance from my chums and I do not conspire with anyone in private.
It may be time for me to quit. But you do deserve an explanation and this is it. And no, you do not understand me any more than I understand you, the real you. All the above is simply the blueprint of starting to understand. It is not wisdom or humanity or love. Those follow, when there is someone actually real and present to relate to. You cannot, as you believe now, fake it till you make it. You are already faking, everything. And you do not know it. And you do not know that you do not know. Nobody can know what is the extent of what they do not know.
I am very sorry about all this. I wish life would be as easy as you'd like it to be.
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