The impossibility to share an experience

After my mother died, december 2003,
i spent at least one night per week with my father.

Week after week,
he would tell me the same story,
over and over again.

I had been practicing my belief system,
and the latest belief i experimented with was:
"i want what i get".

No longer would an opinion about this repetition suffice,
no longer could i get away with my wish to be spared from this same story.
it happened in my reality.

so i needed ask my self: "why does this happen in my life?"
and, after some weeks, i began to understand.

i sat with my father,
and said to him:
"you know, i think i understand.
you want to share an experience!
but, you know what?
until i have had this experience that you speak of,
i will not know what you are talking about.
and when i have had this experience,
i will already know what you tell me."

my father, at that point,
said nothing, he just smiled,
and never again told me that specific story.---

my father died six months after my mother,
he was not ill, he just missed her.

i think the time has come where i miss my dad.

warmest regards,
Ron

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sibren-210853

The impossibility to share an experience

Today there was the funeral of grand dad. There was one last sentence he shared with us before he passed away: Love one another Sibren

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Sam Borrett

samborrett-372470

The impossibility to share an experience

Beautiful Ron, I lost my Dad in 1972 and he is still with me. Missed and always loved and remembered. Warm wishes Sam

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Thomas Power

thomas-power-8

The impossibility to share an experience

This is so beautiful Ronald I lost my Dad in 1989 and missed him ever since. To miss is to love and to share is to love. Thank you for sharing and loving us all. Miss you. Tx

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Robert Oosthout

robertoosthout-155636

The impossibility to share an experience

Sharing your experience makes me realize that we share the same experience. So how about the impossibility to share an experience? Robert Oosthout

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Robert Oosthout

robertoosthout-155636

The impossibility to share an experience

Ronald, Your share touches and moves me. And yes I miss my mom and dad too. They passed away in 2002 and 2005. And they are still with me every day. What is more important is that we express the love we feel for them and others around us. on a daily basis. Robert Oosthout.

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Mick Say

micksay

A touching story Ron

An emotional event Ron - sounds like your father was contented and connected with his son. A blessing to you both.. Thanks for sharing Ron Mick

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RealSteveHolmes Fading away soon

cvsage-38854

The impossibility to share an experience

Ron, everybody has experiences of feeling sad when something happens to someone they care for, so the experience can be communicated relatively easily, as you have just demonstrated. What is far more problematic is feeling how they feel, and that's quite another matter since it is actually impossible and calls for another level of humanity, probably more advanced than we can normally achieve. I saw people in great agony in intensive care this summer and all I could do for them amounted to nothing, because they couldn't even speak or hear, so intense was their suffering. There was no way to reach them, no empathy that would jump the gap. In fact my chief emotion, with my own life on the line, was gratitude that at least I might get out of there alive while they most probably would not. It's not a pretty emotion, but the vastness of human suffering can be too much to even contemplate. The man in the bay next to me was pumped full of morphine and he still couldn't stop screaming - you know what? After about eight hours of it I asked for ear plugs so I wouldn't hear his agony any more. When they eventually got him almost into a coma and he stopped I felt ashamed but my own life-threatening situation seemed like a walk in the park by comparison and I felt for the first time that I might get out of there alive. Empathy for others is a complex business that we devote too little time to. If we had to live in their lives we'd probably be just like them.

2 comments

Lucinda Stokes

lucindastokes-203005

The impossibility to share an experience

Ronald, That was a really great thing to share, thank you. My mother became very ill last year and after several doctors visits and trips to the hospital where I was repeatedly told they couldn't find anything wrong, she had a stroke, 2 days after the last hospital assessment. I had been nursing her as she deteriorated very rapidly and could no longer look after herself. She spent 2 months in hospital and then had to move into a nursing home and she was only 73. She had been such a vibrant person but after an operation 6 years ago she just seemed to give up on life which is really hard to watch and no intervention could shift her from this, she just hung onto her path with more determination the more people tried to help and intervene. There is some type of dementia / vascular damage and so she doesn't always remember much about current day to day activities. What saddens me is that friends are awkward about going in to see her as they "don't know what to say". Life hasn't been great for me this last year and often I have nothing to say but just sitting with her, being with her, I know it makes a difference as she doesn't have to put effort into making conversation either! She still likes to company of those she knows. She still picks up on the energy of others and I am so grateful to those that do make the effort. Just being there for someone makes such a difference. Lucinda

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sibren-210853

The impossibility to share an experience

Dear Ronald, When dead of dearest is involved, everyone is going through the same cycle, but in a different intensity and speed. Some just keep "hanging" in a stage. Before my mother in law died last december, the only thing that mattered is being there, the preasence is the most important thing. And all persons do get the same wavelength because the have to. Life is forcing to. Once death is a fact, every person starts it's cycle and it is very difficult to get the same wavelength with those persons again. Maybe you reached a stage in the cycle where you father has been already - as you described...

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Jeff Mowatt

jeffmowatt-232748

The impossibility to share an experience

Ronald, we've been having a bit of a roller coaster this week with my 92 y.o. father taken to hospital on Tuesday and not expected to survive, then he began to recover, then went down again and was coming back again yesterday. They tell me he had a heart attack since he was taken in, In this experience I remember him at my current age, at the bedside of his father during his last days. .

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Jo Berry

joberry-638766

The impossibility to share an experience

That is moving and beautiful, thanks for sharing. How special to share this wth your Dad, am sure it was a blessing for him as well as you. Warmest wishes Jo

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Beth Burgess

bethburgess2-672944

The impossibility to share an experience

Brilliant, thanks for sharing Ronald :)

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