Cure for midlife crisis

I’ve done it.I have found a cure for midlife crisis. It’s a pressure washer. Ours has been in the shed for two years, after it failed to work properly when we bought it. Even my best aimed kicks couldn’t persuade it to produce more than a trickle.However solitary confinement seems to have taught it a lesson, although my wife did play around with it, which might have helped.Anyway, the concrete path outside our patio doors has got covered in a nasty green muddy slime, and I was told to deal with it. And the pressure washer worked!You don’t need therapy, or videos of Abi Titmuss, or Viagra to cure your midlife crisis: the pressure washer will make you feel like a mix of Arnold Schwarzenegger and an Imperial Stormtrooper. It has a two foot long prong thingy, and boy is it powerful.However, there are a few things which I would wish to tell with you, in the spirit of shared learning, about what you should and shouldn’t use it on.1.Green slimy concrete…yes, it will blast it off in a spray of green slime and mud, leaving the concrete in pristine condition. However if you don’t close the patio doors, you will get a curious new “hint of slime” wall effect on nearby paintwork, and also nearby fuchsias.2.Housewalls, yes, but only if the mortar is sound, otherwise big bill for repointing3.Gravel next to path.. NO! Absolutely not. High pressure spray and 10mm gravel equals pain. The gravel explodes likes a hand grenade spreading shrapnel-like stones all over the place. These tend to knock the shine off nearby surfaces. It also tends to take the shine off relationships with significant others, depending on what you hit.4.Cat and dog…Cat yes, it saved him hours, he spends all day licking himself clean, I got the same effect in 5 seconds. He seemed to enjoy it too, he was jumping all over the place like a kitten, he hasn’t moved so much since the Doberman incident. Dog.. I don’t know, it ran away after the gravel bomb, and hasn’t been seen since.Unfortunately, I now need a part time job to pay for all the damage I did. I’m thinking of doing contract pressure washing.Any offers?